Grieving

At Sharon Hills/Odd Fellows Cemeteries we offer many resources to help you through the grieving process.

Printed materials covering a wide range of subjects are available at no charge. Just give us a call or stop by our corporate office.

There are also many online grieving websites that offer valuable counsel. They are quite varied, fit most any need or religious belief, and run the gamut from articles and books to community chat rooms. Links to websites that we find to be helpful are listed at the bottom of this page.

Here is some particularly helpful advice that can help you now.

How You Can Deal with the Death of a Loved One

Bereavement is a powerful, life-changing experience that most people find overwhelming the first time. Although grief is a natural process in human life, most of us are inherently unable to manage it alone. At the same time, others are often unable to provide aid or insight because of discomfort with the situation and the desire to avoid making things worse. Here are five ways to ease your grieving process.

  1. Find others who are empathetic. Healing is built through support and understanding. Many will want to help. Embrace their support.
  2. Find others who are accepting. Family and friends will understand, yet each response will be different based upon their relationship to the deceased. Seek out others who have had a similar relationship as you.
  3. Find others who are patient. During the first year the bereaved will experience one of everything for the first time alone: anniversaries, birthdays, occasions, etc. Therefore grief will last for at least one year. It takes time and work to decide what to do and where to go with the new and changed life that is left behind.
  4. Find new friends and interests. The lingering close bond to the deceased is sometimes thought to maintain memories while, in fact, just the opposite is true. In learning to let go and live a new and changed life, memories tend to come back more clearly.
  5. Find others who are experienced. The bereaved begin to feel normal again when the experience is shared with others who have also lost a loved one.

How You Can Help an Adult Deal with the Death of a Loved One

Someone you know may be experiencing grief and you want to help. The fear of making things worse may encourage you to do nothing. Yet you do not wish to appear to be uncaring. Remember that it is better to try to do something, inadequate as you may feel, than to do nothing at all. Don't attempt to sooth or stifle the emotions of the griever. Tears and anger are an important part of the healing process. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is the result of a strong relationship and deserves the honor of strong emotion.

When supporting someone in their grief the most important thing is to simply listen. Grief is a very confusing process, so expressions of logic may be lost on the griever. The question "tell me how you are feeling" followed by a patient and attentive ear will seem like a major blessing to the grief stricken. Be present, show you care, and listen.

Your desire is to assist your friend down the path of healing. They will find their own way down that path, but they need a helping hand, an assurance that they are not entirely alone on their journey. It does not matter that you do not understand the details, your presence is enough. Risk a visit, it need not be long. The mourner may need time to be alone but will surely appreciate the effort you made to visit.

Do some act of kindness. There are always ways to help. Run errands, answer the phone, prepare meals, mow the lawn, care for the children, shop for groceries, meet incoming planes or provide lodging for out of town relatives. The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.

How You Can Help a Child Deal with the Death of a Loved One

Children grieve just as adults do. Any child old enough to form a relationship will experience some form of grief when a relationship is severed. Adults may not view a child's behavior as grief as it is often demonstrated in behavioral patterns which we misunderstand and do not appear to us to be grief such as "moody," "cranky," or "withdrawn."

When a death occurs children need to be surrounded by feelings of warmth, acceptance and understanding. Caring adults can guide children through this time when the child is experiencing feelings for which they have no words and thus can not identify. In a very real way, this time can be a growth experience for the child, teaching about love and relationships.

The first task is to create an atmosphere in which the child's thoughts, fears and wishes are recognized. This means that they should be allowed to participate in any of the arrangements, ceremonies and gatherings which are comfortable for them. First, explain what will be happening and why it is happening at a level the child can understand. A child may not be able to speak at a grandparent's funeral but would benefit greatly from the opportunity to draw a picture to be placed in the casket or displayed at the service. Be aware that children will probably have short attention spans and may need to leave a service or gathering before the adults are ready. Many families provide a non-family attendant to care for the children in this event. The key is to allow the participation, but not to force it. Forced participation can be harmful. Children instinctively have a good sense of how involved they wish to be, so they should be listened to carefully.

The information above was adapted from an article provided by Jack Redden, CCE, M.A., President; John Redden, M.S., Vice President, Cemetery-Mortuary Consultants Inc., Memphis, Tennessee and the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association.

Online Grieving Resources*

*Disclaimer: We provide links to other sites that we believe offer useful services and/or information. Since these other sites are not under the control of Sharon Hills / Odd Fellows Cemeteries, we cannot and do not make any representation or guarantee regarding the linked sites or their content. Providing these links does not constitute an endorsement by Sharon Hills / Odd Fellows Cemeteries.


If you have questions, or if there is anything else that we can help you with,
please contact us at (302) 734-3535.